Worst EPT Heads-Up Ever!

Apart from the EPT Finals in Monaco, the EPT Scandinavian Open in Copenhagen, Denmark, is he biggest EPT tournament ever to be played. 460 players and a first prize of more than $1.2 million. You'd think that would guarantee a great poker week in Copenhagen.
You'd be wrong!

It started out with the Swedish online player, Jonas "Nebuchad" Danielsson, saying at the Scandinavian Poker Awards that his online name was a reference to Nebuchadnezzar, and that Nebuchadnezzar was "the first Babylonian King, who really dealt with the Jew problem."
And it ended in the most surreal boring and passive heads-up match ever - played out between a comatose American scared to death of losing and an apparently semi-retarded Danish football supporter with an attitude problem.

Nearly five hours of checking down pot after pot - never finding the guts to play with any aggression. That was how the heads-up match between Timothy Vance, USA, and Soren Jensen, Denmark, went.
"The most boring ever heads-up match in the history of poker," John Duthie remarked live on the EPT Livestream from the final table.
Along with poker book author, Lee Jones, he did nothing to hide how utterly crappy they thought the match was. And their remarks went live on the air for millions to hear.

"These guys just seem to have no clue what they are doing," said Lee Jones at one point, and it's hard not to agree.
For an example Soren Jensen at one point - in yet another unraised pot - turned top two pair. The board was quite dangerous with possible flush and straight draw, and still he checked for the 118th time. Not surprisingly for his 118th time Timothy Vance checked behind him.
The river gave both the flush and four to a straight, which prompted Soren to check again, Tim to move all-in on what everyone could see was a flush or straight ... and Soren to now call. Tim had the flush and one of the few big pots went to him.
John Duthie: "Are you kidding me?"
Lee Jones: "Is this for real?"

In the commentators box next to Duthie and Jones, the German commentators at one point actually left their booth in protest, came back some time later and just stated that "we obviously didn't miss anything. Surprise."
Next to them in the Dutch booth, poker pro Noah Boeken, former winner here in Copenhagen, was banging his head against the monitor in frustration as his cat would probably have been able to win this match.
Maybe the best remark came, when Lee Jones at one point said: "If you are just joining us now, we are not sure why..."

But it wasn't just the mind numbingly poor, passive and dull play that made this heads-up match horrible. The behaviour of both players - in particular Dane Soren Jensen - was simply horrendous.
After each pot he'd win, the increasingly drunk Soren Jensen would rush into the audience, scream, dance and mock his opponent. Shaking hands with busted players was something he didn't do, and twice he went into a screaming tantrum when other players busted each other out.

He was constantly making references to his football club, AGF of Aarhus, a club famous for having some of the dumbest hard-core supporters. And Soren apparently is very hard-core.
The things he was screaming in Danish were also amazing statements like: "I'll crap in that suitcase (with the prize money), when I've won", "I'll fuck them all" and "That thing (the trophy) I'm gonna sell at Basar Vest (a market in his home town) for $4."
He was making no friends.

Timothy Vance is no gentleman either. He started the final table refusing to sit down - often walking off into the crowd even when he was in a hand. On top of that he at one point started a long argument with Tournament Director, Thomas Kremser, on the topic of sitting/standing. When finally told to sit down and play, he sulked for almost an hour - refusing to play hands or talk.

It was like an institution for kids with severe behavioural problems. And the bloody thing took forever.
Soren had no clue about heads-up and played tighter than anyone may have ever done.
Timothy Vance amazingly did the exact same thing - even though he, the few times he found the guts to bet, took down the pot at once.

All over the Danish poker community and on a lot of poker forums all over the world, the heads-up match and in particular the behaviour of Soren Jensen has been the topic of much debate. And the Danish poker players agree: Soren was a disgrace to Danish poker. Very few Danes supported him, and that's rare: an American getting the support of the Danes heads-up against a Dane in a Danish poker tournament.
But these are just a few of the statements posted in various Danish forums:

"I watched the entire final table, and I'm happy Soren didn't win. His behaviour was unworthy of a winner. Congratulations to Tim."
pokerhaj

"It's just embarrassing to be Danish with Soren representing us at the final table."
DeXtC22

"Congratulations on acting like a complete retard and being a total disgrace to our country."
MrPaulsen

"Celebrating that another player is busted out of the tournament by someone else (on the river even), just because that moved him up in prize money, is revolting."
MrKjaer

On a personal note: Mercy killing should be allowed!

And the final result ... if anyone cares ... is here:
($1 = DKK 5)

1. Timothy Vance - DKK 6,220,488
2. Soren Jensen - DKK 3,521,429
3. Magnus Hansen - DKK 2,045,381
4. Rasmus Hede Nielsen - DKK 1,560,394
5. Daniel Ryan - DKK 1,286,270
6. Nicolas Derveaux - DKK 1,012,147
7. Simon Dorslund - DKK 801,283
8. Patrik Andersson - DKK 569,333

We'll leave you with this posting from the pokernews live blog:

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Seven Hands

1. Walk
2. Walk
3. Walk
4. Walk
5. Walk
6. Walk
7. Walk

This is not a joke post.